There are Devil’s Advocates for Literally Every Fucking Topic

I feel like blaring Boston’s “Peace of Mind” and living in an isolated fucking cabin in the middle of nowhere, except if I lived out that way, I probably would receive shitty internet and I’d lose interest. I enjoy reading (books and online articles) and keeping up with sports too much to live that way.

There’s always a counter argument to everything. I don’t care, most of the time, but I’m sick of folks like my girlfriend’s mom continuously having a smartass remark to every single statement made. She wonders why I’m so goddamn quiet all the time. Asides from the fact that I’m normally quiet and don’t have a case of diarrhea of the mouth, I just don’t feel like hearing some dumbass, nonsensical remark from someone after every single sentence.

Celebrity rarely; grind daily.

Colin Cowherd yells that quote into the microphone sometimes on Fox Sports 1. He used to say it a lot while on ESPN.

But I love that quote, along with “live through the windshield; not the rearview mirror.”

But there are devil’s advocates who will say, “Well, you gotta celebrate sometimes! Life is too short!” and others who say, “Well! You gotta take your past into account when making future decisions, because you can always learn from your past!”

Please, just please, shut the fuck up.

“Celebrity rarely; grind daily” means to not celebrate every fucking day. Stay hungry. Stay on the grind. Don’t lose your hustle.

“Live through the windshield; not the rearview mirror” means to look forward instead of wasting time wallowing in the mire of your past.

It’s too early to be this fired up, but I just downed 500mg of caffeine in one fell swoop and watered my garden because the sun has been hitting my lettuce, peppers, onions, potatoes and cucumber plants too hard the past couple of days and I keep forgetting to water them.

My girlfriend is taking us on some hike today in a place I’ve never been. It’s funny. She’s from a different state than me, and I’ve lived here my entire life, yet she’s showing me a place I’ve never been. Let’s go.

I don’t mean to blast so many expletives above, but they are the perfect words to create emphasis in a sentence. If you think I lack a broad lexicon and resort to expletives instead, you may be right. If so, fuck you.

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I Still Jack Off to my Ex-Girlfriend’s Pictures

My ex-girlfriend got married this past weekend. She’s still a smokeshow. We broke up back in December 2010 and I still jack off to her pictures.

Here’s the kicker: she’s a liar and a cheater. She described herself as “crazy” by the end of our relationship. The guy she married? She cheated on him, with me, going behind his back merely three days into their relationship. That was, of course, way back in September 2011. He likely has no idea that she did that. When I confronted her in January 2014 about how she should spill the beans to him about her cheating ways, she became defensive and told me that it’s none of my business. Stupid bitch. Stupid… hot ass… bitch.

I should also not forget to mention that she had a bastard child (daughter) with the dude back in January 2013.

Despite how crazy my ex is, I’d still love to fuck her. She was hotter while we were together, though. Of course, I’m biased saying that. C’est la vie.

she told me she would never leave me

you hear this phrase a lot. “she told me she would never leave me”. it’s spouted by brokenhearted guys (99.9% chance of being young and barely experienced in the field of the women scholar) that are desperate for answers.

people get hung up on what other people say too much. instead of listening to what a woman says — watch her actions. if she tells you she loves you with all her heart, but barely makes an effort to contact you, acts like it’s a chore to be around you or treats you like she’s doing a favor just to be with you, then obviously some wild shit is going on behind the scenes.

a lot of guys don’t get this, though. “she told me she’d always be mine and mine only forever! she lied!”

lebron james told the cleveland cavaliers he wanted to be a ‘cavalier forever’. he entered free agency in july 2010 and took his talents to south beach to play for the miami heat. when people get married, they say ’til death do us part’ and 50% of marriages end in divorce (the other 50% end in death).

so, take what people say with a grain of salt, and watch their actions instead. when a person has a PhD in bullshit, they can manipulate you with their words if you are gullible enough. the power of words cannot be explained, but if you turn your active ears off (i can barely hear a damn thing, anyway) and watch one’s actions, you will be much more successful in life.

i’m not telling you to not listen. listen, but don’t over-invest in a few spouted words. it’s bad for your health. as the old adage goes, actions speak louder than words.

how to tell if a girl likes anal sex

years ago, my best friend and i used to play an immature game where we’d be out and about in public and see different girls. whenever we’d spot a girl that happened to be smiling, we would opine our thoughts about whether or not she avidly took it in the pooper or not.

the game was fun. the teenage years were fun. the game hasn’t been played since about 2007 or 2008, but that doesn’t mean i can’t delineate my juvenile humor here.

you can tell if a girl likes anal sex or not by her smile. it’s usually the widemouthed smile that simply says (without really saying) “i love it in the ass!” it’s hard to explain, really, until you see a girl sporting the smile. when you see a girl rocking the said smile, shitloads of neurons will fire off inside your mind registering the idea that the said girl loves being railed in the caboose.

this is alex. i dated her for two years, and we regularly had anal sex.

as the caption details, that’s alex, and our relationship was tremendous. see her smile? that’s an “anal loving” smile. ignore her outfit (don’t know what in the hell that is). eight months into the relationship, we had anal sex for the first time, and it became a regular routine in our sex life. circumstances went from me initiating to her literally begging for anal because clit stimulation during anal got her off easily. too easily, in fact.

this is grace. she has 'the smile', too.

the girl above is grace. i had a fling with her during the summer of 2011. because it was the summer and it entailed a lot of heat, there was plenty of sweaty sex. don’t let her ‘graceful’ (no pun intended) appearance fool you. she’s a country girl at heart. we were spooning in bed one night, and she knew my phallus was hard against her butt, and she generously asked me if i wanted to fuck her in the ass. being considerate, i obliged. this became a regular routine in our relationship.

grace wading in the river (told you she was a country girl) while donning her "i love taking it in the butt" smile... oh, yeah, and her delectable rack.

i like grace. we still keep in contact. she’s turning 19 in a month, and is in college. she models on the side. i can see why.

this is the ULTIMATE 'i love being pounded in the ass' smile for a girl. a true telltale sign.

the girl above, with her smile (that sexy grin), she loved anal sex. she was obsessed with anal sex. i’ve never, ever met a girl like her or known a girl like her to be obsessed with anal sex like she was. she literally could not get off without anal stimulation. each and every time we had sex, i was always doing something with her asshole, and she loved it. during anal sex, she’d get revved up, moaning and screaming loudly, saying things like “fuck my anus, baby!” or “fuck my shithole!”… or the ultimate, “fuck me in the pooper, baby!” out of all the girls i’ve dated, she had the absolute best hygiene. she sweated a lot, though. she would often shower in the morning, go to the gym for a couple of hours, then come home and i’d fuck her in the ass. the smell of her ass after she’d return from the gym turned me on more than anything. it was a sweet, salty musky odor, NOT a bad one… she always smelled good… and she loved it in the ass. just see that smile of hers.